Sincerely, Brown Skin
Sincerely, Brown Skin
Unmasking Silence: My Personal Journey of Dealing with Abuse
Brace yourself for a heart-wrenching, yet powerful narrative that unravels my personal brush with abuse during my undergraduate years. As your host, I guide you through a tale that started with a seemingly innocent gesture, but took a terrifying turn based on hearsay. This episode serves as a stark reminder of how these silent horrors often go unnoticed, and why it is crucial to bring such conversations into the open.
Thanks for listening! Follow us on Instagram, subscribe and remember to share with your friend girl!
Welcome to Sincerely Brown Skin, a podcast where I'm diving into the intimate areas of your life, on all things relationships, personal growth and self-love. I'm your host, quen, and my goal each week is to provide you with a little advice, a spoonful of encouragement and a sincere reminder that, honey, you are a wonder, you are magical, you are worthy. And then some. Now let's get this quick slide, for goodness. I want to speak today on the topic of abuse. I don't think that there can ever be enough conversation around that topic, because there are so many untold stories hitting beneath the layers of fear, pain and embarrassment. But I want to take a few minutes to share a little bit of my story. The nets from the past hadn't hold on me, but not in the good way, during undergrad. There was this weekend where he had an away game and while he was away, he allowed me to use his car to get around. At the time I didn't have one of my own, so I thought it was a nice gesture. So, as any thoughtful girlfriend would probably do, I decided to go and make some grocery so that when he returned he'll have a full refrigerator of all of his favorite things, then returning back to the apartment from the grocery store. There was this guy, a complete stranger, who noticed me having difficulties with carrying all of the bags, so he offered his help. And who was I to say? No, I'm a southern belle and when a gentleman offers his help I'm going to take it, especially if I need it. Anywho, this guy he grabs the groceries from the car and then places them right at the entrance of the house. I tell him thank you and to have a great rest of the day, he walks off and goes on about his life. About an hour later I text my ex asking how the game went, but no response from him. I took that as a team possibly losing and he not wanting to talk about it, so I let it be. About an hour or so after that I called him to see how far away he was. Phone went straight to voicemail. At that point I began to worry that something may have happened, because it wasn't like him not to answer Now.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to some time later in the evening. He makes it back to the house and I am in the room sitting across the bed watching TV. He comes in with a stern look on his face and before I could utter the word hey. He puts his hand around my throat, squeezing get to the point of no breath, literally lifting me off of the bed, calling me all sorts of names, and then says you had another person in my car. And then profanity after profanity, after profanity. I can remember a couple of the other teammates attempting to pull him off of me, just enough to wear. I fell on the bed and ran to the other side of the room while screaming out of despair. I don't know what you're talking about. No one but me was driving your car. I went to the grocery store by myself. I was the only one that was in your car.
Speaker 1:He then rushes over to where I was standing and hoover's over me, trapped me in the corner with no escape, screaming at me saying Stop, ethan, lying to me. So and so, so and so saw you. He saw the dude getting stuff out of the front seat of my car, trimbling God of fear. I say it wasn't even like that. I don't even know that man's name. He was just helping me with the grocery, that's it, I promise you.
Speaker 1:He punches a hole in the wall right next to my head, teammates once again pulling him from me, but this time taking him out of the room completely. I look up and I see the guy whom he claimed told him this lie about me Just standing there looking as though he was hoping worse to happen. I didn't know what to think in that moment. Besides, what did I ever do to you for you to lie like this about me? I definitely thought it, but no words were able to come out, just tears, numbness and a shame. One of the older teammates came behind me, put his arms around my shoulders, ushering me out of the room.
Speaker 1:We walked to his room and he said Just give him some time to calm down. I said no, I want to press charges. He put his hands on me. My daddy would never put his hands on my mama. He then says Don't do that. You're ruining his future. If you do that, that's not what you want, is it? And you know he loves you. I just looked at him in silence. I thought about leaving him that night, but I was frozen with indecision. I loved him after all. At least I thought it was love at that time and my mind has started to believe what he said about me. Never again did he put his hands on me.
Speaker 1:But the cycle of herbal and psychological abuse began and over the course of several years I had learned to see myself through his eyes incompetent, unworthy and voiceless. For as long as we were together he denied it ever happening, said that I was crazy, delusional and remembered it wrong. Y'all remember that scene from Norbert where he called her cheating, red-handed, and when he called her out on it she was like I told you it never happened. In that moment he was forced to go along with what she said, that verbal and mental abuse. But here's the thing when you are on the receiving end of any type of abuse, you never forget what happened. You can remember it as clear as day. A victim is a victim, no matter the type of abuse, no matter the length of time since the abuse.
Speaker 1:What many do not realize is that there is healing, that a person has to go through in order to be in a place to speak on the past, not just speak from regret, but speak from a place of empowerment, a place of Freedom, a place of peace, a place of forgiveness. You've heard me say it before Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you. Now it's for me, because I've had time to heal and forgive. I can tell part of my life story without the shame, and I believe it's important to share it so that others Can somehow know that through this you can survive and perhaps thrive. Maybe it will help someone you know, maybe it will help even you listening right now going through something similar. I tell my story to help my nieces, my friends, students that I've taught in the past, and to continue to help Myself. So I'll leave you with this. Abusers and flies I do despise, but through God's grace I shall rise. Sincerely. Brown Skin.