Decoding Expectations

What if our expectations from past relationships are actually holding us back from embracing the future? This episode of Sincerely, Brown Skin is a raw, heartfelt exploration of this very question. I take you through a poignant letter from a listener who had a harsh brush with disappointment when she was ignored by her ex, revealing the emotional turmoil that expectations can brew. 

I share my sincere perspective, underlining the importance of realism in post-breakup interactions and the power of simplicity.  Listen in and let's navigate these emotional waters together.

Thanks for listening! Follow us on Instagram, subscribe and remember to share with your friend girl!

Transcript

Quinn: 0:02

Welcome to Sincerely Brown Skin, a podcast where I'm diving into the intimate areas of your life, on all things relationships, personal growth and self-love. I'm your host, quen, and my goal each week is to provide you with a little advice, a spoonful of encouragement and a sincere reminder that, honey, you are a wonder, you are magical, you are worthy. And then some. Now let's get this quick slide, for goodness. Today I want to speak to you on the topic of expectations, and to do this I want to dive into a little bit of storytelling with you guys and share a letter from one of our listeners. The letter reads as follows I thought it would only be appropriate or nice that I should call him up to tell him happy birthday. It was the norm we've always done at first thing in the morning of. After all, we didn't break up on bad terms. Plus, this was the first time where I took a step out of my norm to accept a friendship post break up. So I reached out with a call with the expectations of him to answer. Then I left for voicemail and when I received no answer, I told myself okay, I'll send a happy birthday, jeff. I really thought he would respond back within a few minutes, eventually with a thank you, but 28 hours later still nothing. This caught me by surprise because I thought we had more respect for each other than to just completely ignore.

Quinn: 1:31

I try to tell myself something positive to prevent me from going down that rabbit hole of thinking of all of the possibilities of what he could have been doing and who he could have been doing it with. But I couldn't help myself. It was still fresh the entire break up, only three weeks old. This made me sad because it made me feel like I had been placed at the bottom of the totem pole His family, his friends, his associates, the randoms, then me, and that's pretty low. I don't know if I should be caring so much, and maybe this is why I typically cut this off completely after a break up to avoid these crazy emotions and mixed feelings. But in that time frame of being ignored, I try to justify and tell myself that my message and call probably got lost from all of the tens of other messages and calls he received, and I even thought about attempting to send a newer message so that it would be at the top of his inbox saying you know something along the lines of I hope you enjoy your big day.

Quinn: 2:30

But the underlying motive of being did you get my birthday wishes or are you really ignoring me? But the growth in me said girl, you've done enough. Now keep it moving because you're on that thin line of chasing. But I have to be honest with you. What is holding me together right now is knowing it is not of my ex's character to be rude. I know that he's a genuine caring individual and I'm trying not to hold this against him, but I have to ask was my mistake going into the situation with the expectations of how things were prior to the break up? Okay, so full disclaimer here. Please excuse my candidness on this one.

Quinn: 3:14

Alright, it's not realistic to expect your ex to treat you the same way as when you guys were in a relationship. Relationships evolve and change. Dynamics and post break up interactions are often different for everyone. People may need time and space to heal and their feelings and behaviors might shift. Now, while mutual respect and civility are ideal, expecting the same level of emotional investment or intimacy may lead to disappointment as it has with you.

Quinn: 3:47

In this particular situation, I guess what I'm trying to say is expecting the normal to happen when the two of you were no longer in an intimate relationship anymore was a setup for failure and heartache. What you should have done was just send the message with the simplicity of being polite and sending your wishes. It's no secret that every post break up situation is unique, and adapting to changes in the relationship dynamic is part of the process of moving forward and, in all sincerity, shifting your expectations is part of that process. You know. This made me think about how much easier different things in life can be if we didn't go into certain situations with high, unrealistic expectations. If you want to do something, do it because you want to like a just because type of thing, not because there's some obligation behind it, not because of what we think they would do and not because of what we expect them to do. Doing it just because and not expecting anything in return, I promise you it'll make your life so much easier.

Quinn: 4:57

Sincerely Brown Skin. Thank you so much for listening to Sincerely Brown Skin. Make sure you share with your friend girls and hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss any of the conversation. I would love to hear from you. So if you enjoyed the show, be sure to leave me a review. Thanks for stopping by and until next time. May everything that concerns you be covered in favor in your week ahead. Bye now.